Friday, April 21, 2017

If a Big Lug Falls in the Forest, Does Anybody give a Sh*t?

It's official the Holy Pole, the Staff of Straightness the Master of the Mounted and  the 'Weeping Wumminater' - Commissioner Dudley of the Mounted - is taking a long-awaited and fairly-well-deserved pasturage. And just about time too!  He won't have to enforce those silly pot laws any more, Hell's dingers, he'll be able to treat his career-induced PTSD with some of the 'medical' stuff.  That should stand him in good stead if he buys a Harley, gets a piercing, a bandanna to cover his 'Daddy Warbucks' and grows some bandido-style facials.

But when you think about his tenure - there are some miles under the old snow radials, eh?


Bob took over at the end of the reign of the first civilian to head-up the RCMP since its founding. That came about after the last 'real' Mountie - 'the Italian' - let the organization 'go to hell in a hand cart' and a female temp 'commander' was hired. Well the wheels weren't even back on, when his predecessor retired, leaving Bob promising to be accountable while taking a couple of years to figure out what was gong on and settle-down with his second Mrs. Paulsen. The wedding was an indication  of what the future would be like, as Bob dragooned a few RCMP cadets into wasting a perfectly good Saturday making sure he had some 'lances' for his 'honer guard'. Actually he had every intention of paying the cost, writing a mis-spelled cheque immediately on finding out somebody had noticed. After that it was smooth sailing - with a couple on minor hiccups.




One on the major hiccups was one shared with a number of Commissioners - ' problems of an institutional nature' - arising within the RCMP itself. His predecessors could do little about that and after 6 years it seems apparent that Paulsen didn't have a clue, either. But being a 'real cop', at least he made somebody happy. He stood watch as the tasering inquiry ground itself out - leaving the Force with a substantial black eye, not simply for 'accidentally' killing somebody - that shit happens - but by getting caught lying and falsifying evidence (again - that 'instututional thing?)  A couple of good guys had their careers terminated over that - saving further embarrassment to the Service. There were a couple of largish black eyes related to terrorist attacks on the government. The running-down of a soldier, followed, mere days later, by the Bibeau shoot-em-up in Ottawa, left Bob looking like a deer caught in the headlights after it leaked out that the RCMP might have known something (but not as much as the FBI) about those 'perps'. Although there was little terroristic in  what the redcoats knew. In regard to the 'stabber' (who tried to attack police with a knife), Bibeau and another later terrorist in London, Ontario, the 'national police' force had to 'share the honors' in bringing in the bad guys to Justice wuth the Americans, who apparently knew all and 'saw' more.



Perhaps the biggest problem Bob had to face was a decade or more's worth of bum-grabbing and bad behavior by some members of the Force. There had been a growing list of female officers who had filed official complaints about, and quit over,  varying levels of sexual harassment and career-damaging within the 'old boys' network of the Force. Zachardelli had ignored them. As  had the RCMP bureaucrat . The lady didn't have time and Bob had to do it all. It took him six years and all it amounted to was a statement that he was 'taking responsibility' and 'being accountable' for what the bad boys did.  He was sorry. And he wept.




But he didn't find, or fire, a single perpetrator.  So that 'institutional' horse pellet-generator is probably still functional. Waiting for the next tent pole.

One of his last great efforts was spent trying to get the Legislature to tighten-up on the anti-terrorism spying and security laws. Once again Bob was 'on point', relating for the 'pols' how a niece, a relative of Canada's top cop we tell ya - had been bamboozled into giving out personal information on the 'innernet' and had been hacked - badly,  if not completely to pieces. But he didn't seem to know how tougher laws were going to make it any more likely that the next person to 'hack' her wouldn't get away with that as well.


One of his last remarks to the troops was to quit bitching about the paltry 2.5 percent raise they got this year. That led them to reconsider forming a union , again - something Paulsen had kept a lid on. But they were refusing to wear the iconic 'scouts' hat and many were blocking their cavalry leg-stripe with duct tape.

So as Bob heads out the door and into Canada, we pause to say 'Well done! and a fond 'Adieu, Bob, Adieu!'

 May your motorpsycho miles be happy ones and your motel rooms plush and soft.


                                      Big Jimmy - the Bondo boy - RCMP veteran reserve

Maybe you could nail a nice gig training-up a real 'p'leece farce' for the gallant EUkrainians, or joining the peacemakers of Niger or Mali - but they don't speak much English out 'dere eh?  It's virt cert that Haiti is a wrap - but that might have caused domestic problems. Thre might even be a spot over at CSIS  ... ask Ralph.



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